Introvert – Introvert Relationship: Bliss or Burden?
Searching for the right partner can be hard and time consuming. But finding the perfect someone is worth it!
If you’re wondering whether an introvert or an extrovert is better fit for you, I can’t answer that, but I can offer you an insight of my experience. Introvert or extrovert – the good news is that you can be happy with either. This article was inspired by the book I finished reading “The Secret Lives of Introverts” by Jenn Granneman.
I’m an INFP and I’ve been in a wonderful relationship with a fellow introvert (possibly INFJ) for 8 years. Yes, it shocks me too, but in a good way. That being said, today I will share my perspective on the introvert – introvert relationship.
The advantages of dating an introvert
Oh, where do I start? Maybe with the most important thing for an introvert: alone time. Living with another introvert means you can enjoy activities together, like watching movies or playing games, and still get alone time for individual hobbies. No questions asked, no sides offended. Bliss!
Deep communication. I strongly believe that one of the secrets of a happy introvert-introvert relationships is the fact that we know what to talk about. Since small talk is not attractive, we mostly discuss things that matter. And we all know how important genuine communication is.
Introverts don’t open up to just anyone. But we do trust the partner with our deepest feelings and thoughts. Most importantly, in an introvert-introvert relationship, we know we won’t be judged, so there’s no reason to be afraid to share.
When it comes to the INFP-INFJ couples, it is said that both partners value harmony highly. It’s possible one of the secrets of this happy relationship.
Being on the same page. Imagine someone who understands that social interaction makes you tired. Picture yourself in a relationship with a person who believes in your dreams more than you do, because they know how it feels not having support. Imagine having someone by yourself who genuinely cares. To me, that’s how an introvert-introvert relationship is.
I wouldn’t change it for the world!
Risks of dating an introvert
No matter how amazing it feels being with someone so similar to you, there are risks as well.
An unhealthy amount of alone time. If you two spend too much time alone – so much you lose the things in common – well, that can’t be good. Remember: Solitude is sweet, but time spent in two is pure gold.
Here I should also mention the little misunderstandings that arise when your alone time schedule does not match with your partner’s. Try to consider the other needs a little more time to charge.
In her book, The secret Lives of Introverts, Jenn Granneman mentions another disadvantage. It’s one that gives me mixed feelings: The introverted partners tend to feel so satisfied with what they have, that there’s no need for any other social interactions. Because of that, seeing their friends is a rare occasion.
I have to admit I don’t often meet with my friends – maybe a few times a year. My excuse is that I’ve always preferred having a few, trustworthy friends to many acquaintances. In time, we’ve all separated and now we live in different cities. That’s the reason why we don’t see each other often. Still, I am aware my excuse is not good enough.
Confession time (similar to what a girl in the book confessed): I’ve been living in this town for almost four years and haven’t felt the need to make friends here. Yes, I realize how bad it sounds. And maybe it is. Yet, I can’t promise I will change that, but I will definitely attend more events that appeal to me.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I have met people recently. I felt inspired and amazed seeing how much they can do, how brave they are, and how well they express feelings I can only mutter (Andreea, Raluca, Vanessa, Elle, Alexis, Joanna, Reem, Marko and many others that I apologize to for not being mentioned here). I was impressed to see how much they would do for someone they’ve never seen face-to-face. (Noor, I am especially talking about you).
But all these new connections were made online. My question is: Do they matter less only because I have never seen these people in real life? To me, they’re genuine. Probably the most authentic feelings I could get.
It seems that another possible disadvantage is that you won’t have many opportunities to step out of your comfort zone, unless you chose so. Living with another introvert is comfortable and cozy, therefore not very adventurous.
Again, I’d say it is your way of seeing/doing things. If you’ve always wanted to be a singer, I’m sure an introverted partner would support that with all his/her heart.
In conclusion, as I mentioned at the beginning of this article, I would not change a thing about my relationship. It makes me truly happy and that’s all I need.
Tell me about you in the comments section below. Do you prefer an introverted or extroverted partner? Why?
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